Find what you seek!

When darkness falls you'll open your eyes,
You'll see things you didn't before realize,
The sky will be a beautiful navy blue,
You are old enough to know better...they always told you,
The changes in your life that you seek,
It's just around the corner; just take a peek,

What is it you long for?
What is it you desire?
Is it just a lust?
Or is it true loves hearts fire?

Just open your eyes,
Just search your inner core way deep inside,
Give yourself time and silence alone,
And just when you're least expecting,
It shall be known!
Please check my other blog posts for my symbolic related views, and other random posts!

What I've decided concerning my blog

I have decided I don't want to discuss my past relationships, love life, or personal life, in general.
I shall be back during the weekend perhaps for a poem or short opinionated rambling.

Please check my other blog posts for my symbolic related views, and other random posts!

Coming back

So I am deciding to come back, I wont be posting images or symbol information for a while as I have been moving around and literally been everywhere lately.
I know it has been quite some time since my last blog posting, but I do have good reasons why!
For a while, I may just post something completely random, about my day, or about some story of what has happened thus far! But mainly my focus here will be short stories or a few poems scattered here now and again.
I'm sorry for my absence, and hope everyone has been enjoying life until this point.
I will be back in the near future, as to my new posts that will be added.
Be well
Unknown
Please check my other blog posts for my symbolic related views, and other random posts!

I say you

And I'll tell you this ONE LAST TIME!
"Many will use You, in order to get to Me!"
They will mock love, they will also hide truths within, that you cannot find.
They will act hurt when you choose to leave, when they just fear you will come to me.
Those who do not know of such feelings, do not fully show it, but yet pretend if necessary what they "believe" it should look like, OR do as they have seen "true feelings" shown to them from others. Easy masks they wear, when they observe others who are real. Learn this by watching their over all reactions, rather then just listening, one can listen and believe ones words, but if you do not observe their over all persona, you will not see what is truly there!

OBSERVE, but don't get caught. Because remember, a con observes everything, but so does a long time abused heart broken soul...For they have been fooled by cons most of their life, so they can now read them well. (Makes sense now, more? Hope so, because learning the hard way hurts immensely)


"Many will use You(play on your emotions and fears), to get to me(to hurt me in anyway)!
You don't believe me now, but in time, you shall see! Only in time that gets wasted with regrets, shall others see the truth within the lies!

"KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN!" - Unknown

Whether the loving messages are directed at me or not, I'll still send my love out.

"Get off your knees"

One last message, which I know is not to me...But from me.
"They think we are the same person, WE ARE NOT!"



Please check my other blog posts for my symbolic related views, and other random posts!

Messages

Sorry for my absence, for I took some time to myself, or I must say, somewhat to myself.

I was getting messages, lots of messages, but before my absence, I thought it was lovingly sent towards myself. I found out the hard way I have been wrong on that.

I'm recieving loving messages always, but none are for me...Somehow I am having them directed my way, but sadly, those lovely and wonderful messages, are not for me.

This realization has left me sad, and very hurt inside. So instead of posting blogs I wanted to stay away, just the thought, that they are not for me has me built up inside with tears. life has had me in so many moments happy, sad, worried, and wishing that they had of been for me. I had myself foolishly believing I was loved.

I end this note saying, I'm grateful for each day I am surviving. Even though I hide this dreadful pain inside. Knowing that I am anonymous here, makes it a bit easier to express. But still all feelings are still harder to express these days, when I always have felt alone in this world, even when tons of people are around. There is a sadness, that I couldn't ever explain, even if I so chose to, express.

I am wishing, praying and hoping that no one ever has to feel this way, as I always have, and it's more-so-worse, now that I have this knowledge that the messages, might be coming to me, they are not...not for me.

Happiness and blessings go out to you all who shall find yourselves reading this for the holiday seasons.

And for my own emotional health, I am wanting to cry, because the huge lump in my throat from not doing so, is becoming hurtful and bothersome.

Farewell until another post.


Please check my other blog posts for my symbolic related views, and other random posts!

Odd dreams, the voices of strangers (I think) and other odd things!

I've been having these strange dreams again! These types of dreams have always plagued my mind with confusion. The reason I say this is because, they leaving me wondering. Like why would I dream of helping people and saving peoples lives? Why do I dream of finding out people I know, but not personally know, are sick? I'm stuck always with questions like this.

Then there are the voices, they say the oddest things, it's always as if I am hearing one persons part of a conversation, yet I'm not there, nor the other person they are talking to! And I hate that it's always when I am trying to lay in bed and trying hard to fall a sleep! Can you imagine how hard it is to sleep when you hear a woman's voice say "I can't believe I did that!" and she had so much emotion within her words, AM I EMPATHIC? I ask because I feel their anguish and their pain within their words, it makes me sit up and say aloud "WTF?" well not wtf but you know what abbreviates!

And then there was that other time with an older lady or at least I think...it wasn't really heard it was rather seen. And they said "I want to kill your daughter" and another time it said "I will kill your daughter" ...Sooooo You can imagine I didn't sleep at all for a few nights after those different instances!

So over all this time I have been having some odd words tossed in my brain and some odd dreams played out within my brain...am I dying? Why are all these odd things happening to me? Please tell me I'm not the only one! People wonder why I'm single and don't want anyone right now, can you imagine sharing this with someone you are dating? I can't. :(

I've been a bit down, so I got out a few times and met with friends and we watch some music shows and we went home and our separate ways and I've been out a few times by myself, but really, it has been crazy.

That's it for now I guess, I wanted to post sooner but it's been a bit crazy...as you can tell. It's also been hard to get online.

Unknown

PS-Thanks for visiting! Post a comment, I like checking them out and replying, yes I try hard to get back to reply too.



Please check my other blog posts for my symbolic related views, and other random posts!

Life and emotional attachments! And a shared dream from long ago.

Life and emotional attachments!
Days are going by, I'm living, but still have this vague stagnant feeling within me that craves to go do something.
That being said, I'm somewhat, what they consider a closet case. I don't consider myself to be such, but I stay somewhat feeling trapped on decisions on what to do next. Now I don't want to sound crazy, but I always seem to do so. So here is what I "propose"....

I'm waiting things out until I figure things out in order to "do what I set out to do"!?!

So I like to stay home, not because I am lazy, but because I have these voices shouting from everywhere that I shouldn't venture elsewhere because of some impending doom that lurks on the outside. I do the greatest of my ability to ignore this, but as of late...That seems to be getting closer to me than I'd like to admit. Perhaps it's some kind of criminal mind in hiding and waiting for me? Or maybe it's awaiting someone else, and the wires are being crossed somehow and I am receiving something not even directed towards myself?

Now I don't know if this thing is an inward loop of fear, or if someone is messing with my mind signals, maybe an inner voice or "something(or someone) that is intervening" with my processes in life in general. To be brutally honest, I feel it is the latter! I must also note though, there is also another voice saying "their intentions are to love me"...See I keep getting mixed messages and mixed signals that can be a bit confusing to the brain in this all to mixed up thought process.

Honestly though, there is so much chaos out there in this whole entire world that saddens me. I often wonder if I am the only one, experiencing these add feelings and receiving such odd impressions. Something within me says "I'm not the only one", but another part of me doubts that and asks "Why me?"

I had a dream once (Okay, maybe more than once), where everyone had to leave on a big cargo plane, because where we were, was going to be attacked or in some kind of danger or plagued or something like that. Everyone, including my children and other loved ones/friends. They were all boarding this plane, BUT I said NO, I said I wasn't getting on the plane! This cargo plane was like the ones you see animals transported to their countries, after being in captivity. BUT...It was one of those huge ones, that they have enough room for elephants and big animals like that. This was very odd though, people were boarding from land while this plane was in the water. Which strikes me as odd, because everyone walked from ground and than walking through water and boarding the plane that way. It was a very odd looking plane for a cargo plane. People entered the back, like animals...through this large drop down back door. If you can picture that.

Anyways I always think about that dream, I had it so many years ago, but I always ended up getting myself left behind while everyone I loved and everyone else, left to go to safety. I always ask myself why I wouldn't go, it's as if I wasn't ready to move on or to leave my home and place I love. I'm still unsure to why I had this dream and usually I am pretty good at figuring them out, after thinking them over.

I don't have aids. It's a more complicated illness and I care not to explain! Maybe I have this strong emotional attachment to life that keeps me going.....Anyways...
Loving you all and thinking of you and the world deeply lately.
Unknown Sender

Symbols and personal meanings...part1

Hello everyone I am sorry to keep you waiting.

I have split the image of my symbols up in sections going down that image! And I am making a separate blog post for each select section of that image! Which means each day you'll see a section of said image with an explanation of that sections symbolic contents!

Here is the first section for you today!

1.) Is the #18, it also can symbolize two directions colliding (up and down). Lets say it's like gravity, when things fall it seems as if the down collides with what is down. If you know what I mean. This symbol could also mean month in alchemy.

2.) Is obviously a +(plus) sign,

Just some random words I wrote on paper almost a year ago ago!

August/30/2011

"Your silence, speaks louder than you think,
I see each thought you keep in everything I see, and all that I read,
Sometimes it's overwhelming,
It's so amazing...mm..mm,
How you open my eyes,
And never forgotten,
You're never forgotten..."


 "I swallowed all of my pride,
And I stepped out of the lines,
And found me!,
I like all that I see,
Even everything...all around me."


"You don't have far to go...from here,
You don't have to keep making yourself clear,
You're already there...for me,
You're already there....can't you see?"

A new poem for today...Let's call it strange and maybe enlightening!

"Defeated fears and questions of love" By Unknown Sender

Swirling vortex of thee obis,
Trying to make up for time I've missed,
Nothing beats a wonderful first kiss,
Only a few years ago...Yes it only what I miss,

My heart compelled to linger on,
Oh how it use to swell knowing when people were gone,

My senses heightened to ever lengths,
Across court yards the smell of  dirt and flowers with such strength,

Wandering down each path alone,
Learning with each season as each plant has grown,
I smell everything now,
Even the smell of the sea,
Waves crashing against the shore, I smell it from miles away...can't you see?

The swirls are so strong right below,
I have to look away,
For they make me sway,
So high up I feel just now,
With all those whirling pools,

I smell their swells,
I feel the rush of their strength,
Even though I am so high above,
It's sounds deafening,
So deafening, even the traffic can't drowned it out!

I suddenly realize I'm walking too fast,
This was the first time I walked the bridge "I just passed"...
Yet on my way back, I still walked it to fast!
But the second time, my mind wandered...
I wasted much time, just in the ponder..pondering what? Too many things

But I defeated a fear...Of height and of bridges over troubled waters!
Their swirls and whirls use to scare me so...
But now that I am older,
Those fears are so easily let go!

I still dream and remember each of those kisses,
I keep lots to myself..Even thoughts of my wishes,
But you know what?
I still miss those kisses,
Because each one was like the first...
Now that is a first!

A first for REAL love,
But now it lingered on it's way,
I never feel important enough to them,
I must say,

At first it was wonderful,
At first it was unlike anything in this world,
Thought it was my soul-mate,
But I guess I must be wrong,
Because they are never with me,
Even though these feelings and beliefs still beat strong.

So what is a soul-mate you ask?
Someone you're so connected to...
Never mind. That's to painful and too much to ask!

Just enjoy the natural things that are in this world,
The perfectly UN-perfect world, that we all sit upon.

Some old writings...Two poems from 2009

Here is something I wrote a long time ago...

The best gift... March 12 2009

The best gift you ever gave me...

"You couldn't have came at the better time,
I thought my life was over and felt very bad,
At first I was confused and unfocused,
Had been crying so long,
I thought I'd never see you again,
But I opened my door,
And you showed love once more...

I wanted to love you so much more,
I wanted to dance in the moonlight,
Scream out your name,
Hope you felt the same,
When silence was broken,
And so many words unspoken ...outloud,
You'll always have me,
I'm only yours and I'll always have these....
Times are precious with you,
I know my love is true,
But only for you!

I hope you'll have me again,
I hope you'll stay mine til the end,
My love is so strong this very moment,
I hope our love will move on, so strong
Until I die!

To my love

------------------------------------
Another written right afterwards

"More little things"  March 12 2009

Just something in my head!

It's the little things you do,
That keeps me moving on,
The little things to you,  are big things to me,
You show me many things,
That I can't ignore,
You show me everything,
Even if it hurts me more,
But I can see the truth,
Yes I can see through you,
All I see is you,
In everything and everyone,
Yes everything reminds me of you!

Just when I think it's done,
You show me love in small things one by one,
You opened my eyes to the world,
I do things I never thought I could,
I showed you I am good!

I see myself everyday,
Even if I am afraid,
Sleep deprived by myself,
I did create!

But here I am waiting still,
Patiently ....

Is Past reflection healthy or unhealthy?

Well it has been a bit hectic within my brain lately, I have moments of wondering, Or maybe you could call it wandering.
I am going to try my best to explain this, I have been going to things from my past, for simple self reflection purposes...BUT I get this voice within telling me not to and that it is very dangerous!

The thing is, if we are to learn at all.. do we not have to reflect back in order to see where we have come and how far we have gotten and how much we have grown? That's a long sentence I know...

Anyways I have been going through my past internet foot steps along the way, to try and figure out what all happened and when and possibly learn from that, in order burying it in my own way...so to speak.

Everyone reflects, or at least most people do, in order to be proud of what they have become or to better what they have become by remembering who they were...either reflection process can have an upside!

I have some life thing to straiten out tonight, I just wanted to put a few words of encouragement for those who wish to, or have been thinking of life reflections and stuff.
Have a great Night I am planning to post tomorrow, we shall see how things come about tonight.

Here is a dream I had a few years ago, I still remember most of it like I had it yesterday!
I hope you enjoy, I kind of tried to write it with a poetic twist.

August 09 -2009 "Dreams..." - Unknown Sender


I've always liked them because they usually tell you things...everyone needs there rest.....so glad to have finally gotten my dreams back.

I was out somewhere with my friend, we were walking..no not hand in hand, but really close friends who can tell each other anything. I was doing the leading on that evening, for it wasn't night and it wasn't day...because the sun still shined but it was hidden away...

We walked to a monument, and we looked all around, in an unfamiliar place and some religious markings were on the ground, it wasn't sand, it wasn't time of snow...

I felt I had known the markings before...so I said "come on lets go" ...we looked further, we walked all the way...to "his" brothers place..there were books...papers..shoved where no one could see...I am not allowed there, because it don't feel clean..

When I looked in the cracks, I turned around ...there she stood looking sad..waiting for someone to come back...who was she, all done up nice, with dark brown hair, I didn't feel ice...

I know she must have had money because she wore really nice clothes, why she looked sad I'll never know...

But before I had got to that somewhat closed in spot..I looked on the ground..with some graceful thoughts, and what did I do?

"I didn't tell my best 'friend' the place reminded me of the one I still loved...because truthfully I never trusted that part of myself!" (But the place did make me happy for just that thought alone, because I knew how hard it was when you couldn't have a home)


"I rolled all over the religious markings that were carved there on the ground, wasn't sand it was stone. just tiny little blocks (lets say squares) were all on the ground, I didn't read them though, for a dream can show you every little thing, it only gives hidden keys...so you can wake up and remember certain things."

"I hope that the markings did feel my love that was given, just a feeling can save your life, if you want to be forgiven"

I really can't remember where I was, but it kind of felt like home, maybe another dimension is known...it was hidden right in the middle of the city...only that area is similar to my home. Just that one little space, I don't always seek the truth, sometimes it finds me. Because I do well with keeping myself hidden and clean, I'll never enter there, but will only in dreams..I'll seek truth...in my own special way. If you go looking, be sure to bring a friend, that loves you, for safety..before you venture in!

That was quite a dream!

VISIONS? Just your average DREAMS? Crazy? What are your thoughts?

June 21 2009 - old Journal entry:

Before dreaming...listen carefully to what is said and if you see anything
Just before falling asleep I usually get startled and awaken kind of. Not really asleep yet but like in between, in between worlds lets say..It is quite busy there, busier than my mind which is saying a lot.
For an example:
Yesterday or last night rather, I heard a couple people talking, now I didn't hear everything that was said but what I did get was this - "Where is the evidence?"

Now I know that isn't saying much, but doesn't it bring questions in your mind?

Another one I had yesterday morning....as I couldn't sleep...I heard another couple talking, I can't remember it fully I am trying to though...I see a young woman about my age(29), a very close to the head haircut and she was brunet and well A guys voice (who I couldn't see for some reason) said either "Darrin' Erin" or "Farrin' Erin" And she said in reply "Just Erin is fine thank you!" but she said it in a way as she was not offended by what they said, just simply implying that just her general first name is fine to call her!

There have been many other times like this in the past which always makes me wonder where it all comes from...is it just my mind being strange? Is it some other dimension unknown to others? Is it real time somewhere else? Is it future conversation for someone else somewhere else?

Who really knows what these things I have are but I have always questioned them.

A question I always ask myself "What's wrong with me?" Why do I get these things, why do I get hunches that keep me from leaving my house at certain times? Why do I hate going to the mall so much? lol..I know the answer to that one.

Too many people with too many vibes and feelings all in one place make me feel panicked or uneasy or I even get moody, peeved off, for no reason at all! I feel like laughing at some points and say to myself "WTF was that for?" I it's hard to say....

I guess it all is a mystery and I love mysteries, so I'll always be listening, looking, thinking, questioning, and also trying to help those beyond who will allow me to see what they want as long as they give me proper help or clues to go with it. I try my best, as I know that is why god made me. I am not religious, but I do believe God exist some place. He is also good and evil so be careful what you do as he sees it all, my advice "Think twice!" or more if you have to, take patience in thinking things through and don't be so eager!

Life? Symbolism? Or Poetry? What to post?

I took a day off, I had personal priorities in life! Hope you all understand...

I've been wondering if I want to post a blog about more symbolism explanations or if I wanted to post a poem. I usually go through some things and than relate what my topic will be about and than go with it on a somewhat personal level.

I was walking to a place the other day where I have to be pretty much all week...Well there was some chalk writings on the ground, and as I said before, symbols mean different things to everyone and symbols can also have many different meanings...EVEN if they are the same exact symbol. The chalk writings spoke to me! You might think it strange, and maybe you think I am crazy, but they have a profound way of speaking to me, where as symbols or actual words!

The writing said "Even this" and I thought to myself.."Yes, even that" meaning the symbolism on how things around us can speak to us..It was referring to my post! My post about symbols and their many ways of speaking to us, as images, words, a formation of rocks or anything else in nature perhaps...just in general I hope you understand. This you can probably also understand why I am keeping my ID private!

Actually I know why the chalk writings were there..it was a school yard and the kids were practicing spelling! See the two sides of this? Their were other words, there were drawings, but things that stood out, are the things that spoke to me! I am hoping that makes my explanation a bit more understandable for everyone reading this...if you didn't run away when I said "the side walk was talking to me with chalk".. lol

You are welcome to leave a comment here, with whatever questions(opinions, remarks, suggestions, and the like), ask me anything!

Have a great day and I hope your week goes great!

Unknown Sender

Life? Symbolism? Or Poetry? What to post?

I don't drink or do any sort of drugs!

Why I didn't post a blog yesterday! Another Poem!

Yesterday was a busy day, and I also was here but I was trying to fix my layout a bit so it doesn't seem small nor cluttered!
I wanted to saying something concerning poetry! I write to get things off my chest, I have chose to keep my ID private for personal reasons. I feel if I do not write it down, than I start to get  emotional, moody, angry or all of the above. So I guess it is my punching bag, or my pillow screams...I don't do those things, but figuratively speaking, my poetry and arts is my tool of frustration or venting. I guess it is hard to explain because the only physical means of letting go of things, is with unspoken written words.
Now here is a poem I wrote a while ago!
I have these poems that I post on an old CD, and they have the dates on them and some have the actual time as  well, so if you notice that time stamps that is why!

"Self Pity and Despair"
Sunday, October 05, 2003, 5:49:30 PM - Unknown Sender

Why are you so afraid?
Why are you hiding?
For so long ........all your life
Maybe she's not real,
If you won’t let her out,
She is about to die
Then who will you be?
You have to release her.
For you to live………..right,

How many times have you told yourself?
To get out of your shell,
Release the pain and scream,
To everyone,
Your sorrows and dreams,
For the most they will set you free,
In so many ways,

I know courage is hard to find,
But you have to let go,
Leave your foolishness behind,
Stop feeling so much pity on yourself,
Put forth your outer core and set free the soul no one knows
No one knows you,

Be her once more and live again,
For once be selfish,
And she will teach you in the end.

Alone is me...Unknown Sender

Here is an old one I wrote these poems that are being posted! But I have withheld my true name, as I like to keep my identity private. I like to write because it helps release that inner self that cries while we look to other as if we are okay! The hurts there, but no one sees it...that is why I write it. I'd rather be a writer than a drama queen all the time! We all have our moments, well most of us...

July/31/2009 - Unknown Sender

Alone is me...I want my child back..
I never knew what love was,
I thought something wa

Symbols an explanation

So I thought I would explain something a little more about symbols.

I have been thinking of adding some of my experiences and learning. I am going to be putting together my symbols for online viewing. I just am worried that what I put online will get stolen. Which I would hate, because I have put a lot of time and energy into findin

An Untitled one April/23/2009 - Unknown Sender

This one doesn't have a title yet speaks for itself! Maybe "A positive change of life"?

April/23/2009 - Unknown Sender

The torn pages..

So many days have gone by,

So many different hours she cried,

A select few memories come to visit, so she can smile,

As she changes h

Hold Your Tears....written June/29/2009

This is one of many the many writings written a few years ago, when life was a lot different than it is now. This was a time of reflect, a time of loss, as well as a time of hardships from the fights we have within ourselves when life seems so very hard to cope! This is the inner voice of strength helping with the fight!

HOLD YOUR TEARS - Unknown Sender - June/29/2009

Hold your tears
Hold your tears,
They will see your fears,
They will see your vulnerable,
They will see you as ea