Messages

Sorry for my absence, for I took some time to myself, or I must say, somewhat to myself.

I was getting messages, lots of messages, but before my absence, I thought it was lovingly sent towards myself. I found out the hard way I have been wrong on that.

I'm recieving loving messages always, but none are for me...Somehow I am having them directed my way, but sadly, those lovely and wonderful messages, are not for me.

This realization has left me sad, and very hurt inside. So instead of posting blogs I wanted to stay away, just the thought, that they are not for me has me built up inside with tears. life has had me in so many moments happy, sad, worried, and wishing that they had of been for me. I had myself foolishly believing I was loved.

I end this note saying, I'm grateful for each day I am surviving. Even though I hide this dreadful pain inside. Knowing that I am anonymous here, makes it a bit easier to express. But still all feelings are still harder to express these days, when I always have felt alone in this world, even when tons of people are around. There is a sadness, that I couldn't ever explain, even if I so chose to, express.

I am wishing, praying and hoping that no one ever has to feel this way, as I always have, and it's more-so-worse, now that I have this knowledge that the messages, might be coming to me, they are not...not for me.

Happiness and blessings go out to you all who shall find yourselves reading this for the holiday seasons.

And for my own emotional health, I am wanting to cry, because the huge lump in my throat from not doing so, is becoming hurtful and bothersome.

Farewell until another post.


Please check my other blog posts for my symbolic related views, and other random posts!

Odd dreams, the voices of strangers (I think) and other odd things!

I've been having these strange dreams again! These types of dreams have always plagued my mind with confusion. The reason I say this is because, they leaving me wondering. Like why would I dream of helping people and saving peoples lives? Why do I dream of finding out people I know, but not personally know, are sick? I'm stuck always with questions like this.

Then there are the voices, they say the oddest things, it's always as if I am hearing one persons part of a conversation, yet I'm not there, nor the other person they are talking to! And I hate that it's always when I am trying to lay in bed and trying hard to fall a sleep! Can you imagine how hard it is to sleep when you hear a woman's voice say "I can't believe I did that!" and she had so much emotion within her words, AM I EMPATHIC? I ask because I feel their anguish and their pain within their words, it makes me sit up and say aloud "WTF?" well not wtf but you know what abbreviates!

And then there was that other time with an older lady or at least I think...it wasn't really heard it was rather seen. And they said "I want to kill your daughter" and another time it said "I will kill your daughter" ...Sooooo You can imagine I didn't sleep at all for a few nights after those different instances!

So over all this time I have been having some odd words tossed in my brain and some odd dreams played out within my brain...am I dying? Why are all these odd things happening to me? Please tell me I'm not the only one! People wonder why I'm single and don't want anyone right now, can you imagine sharing this with someone you are dating? I can't. :(

I've been a bit down, so I got out a few times and met with friends and we watch some music shows and we went home and our separate ways and I've been out a few times by myself, but really, it has been crazy.

That's it for now I guess, I wanted to post sooner but it's been a bit crazy...as you can tell. It's also been hard to get online.

Unknown

PS-Thanks for visiting! Post a comment, I like checking them out and replying, yes I try hard to get back to reply too.



Please check my other blog posts for my symbolic related views, and other random posts!

Life and emotional attachments! And a shared dream from long ago.

Life and emotional attachments!
Days are going by, I'm living, but still have this vague stagnant feeling within me that craves to go do something.
That being said, I'm somewhat, what they consider a closet case. I don't consider myself to be such, but I stay somewhat feeling trapped on decisions on what to do next. Now I don't want to sound crazy, but I always seem to do so. So here is what I "propose"....

I'm waiting things out until I figure things out in order to "do what I set out to do"!?!

So I like to stay home, not because I am lazy, but because I have these voices shouting from everywhere that I shouldn't venture elsewhere because of some impending doom that lurks on the outside. I do the greatest of my ability to ignore this, but as of late...That seems to be getting closer to me than I'd like to admit. Perhaps it's some kind of criminal mind in hiding and waiting for me? Or maybe it's awaiting someone else, and the wires are being crossed somehow and I am receiving something not even directed towards myself?

Now I don't know if this thing is an inward loop of fear, or if someone is messing with my mind signals, maybe an inner voice or "something(or someone) that is intervening" with my processes in life in general. To be brutally honest, I feel it is the latter! I must also note though, there is also another voice saying "their intentions are to love me"...See I keep getting mixed messages and mixed signals that can be a bit confusing to the brain in this all to mixed up thought process.

Honestly though, there is so much chaos out there in this whole entire world that saddens me. I often wonder if I am the only one, experiencing these add feelings and receiving such odd impressions. Something within me says "I'm not the only one", but another part of me doubts that and asks "Why me?"

I had a dream once (Okay, maybe more than once), where everyone had to leave on a big cargo plane, because where we were, was going to be attacked or in some kind of danger or plagued or something like that. Everyone, including my children and other loved ones/friends. They were all boarding this plane, BUT I said NO, I said I wasn't getting on the plane! This cargo plane was like the ones you see animals transported to their countries, after being in captivity. BUT...It was one of those huge ones, that they have enough room for elephants and big animals like that. This was very odd though, people were boarding from land while this plane was in the water. Which strikes me as odd, because everyone walked from ground and than walking through water and boarding the plane that way. It was a very odd looking plane for a cargo plane. People entered the back, like animals...through this large drop down back door. If you can picture that.

Anyways I always think about that dream, I had it so many years ago, but I always ended up getting myself left behind while everyone I loved and everyone else, left to go to safety. I always ask myself why I wouldn't go, it's as if I wasn't ready to move on or to leave my home and place I love. I'm still unsure to why I had this dream and usually I am pretty good at figuring them out, after thinking them over.

I don't have aids. It's a more complicated illness and I care not to explain! Maybe I have this strong emotional attachment to life that keeps me going.....Anyways...
Loving you all and thinking of you and the world deeply lately.
Unknown Sender

A little about freedom...

I've learned thus far, that freedom (if properly thought out) is not real!
Why do I say this?

To put it into words that you all can understand.

We can do what we want, but there is always some kind of price to pay! Whether it is with money, consequences or both.

If you commit a crime, you do the time!
If you make a choice and fail, there is a consequence.
For every action we make there is always a reaction.

When we are born, we are automatically bound without freedom! As an infant, we can not do everything for ourselves. That's probably the best part about life! For infants have no choices to make except to cry when we need love, attention or our butts changed.

As we grow older we are either shown and or taught our rights and wrongs. Our only freedom there is to choose what actions we make. We either mark on the walls( and get in trouble) or we don't and we live without the punishment of making that choice.

As teens we must decide if we steal or not, whether we try that drug and keep doing it or not, take a puff off a cigarette and keep smoking or not, go to a party and decide if we want to try different things or not. But with all these choices that we must make, they all have a reaction.

As adults we must make choices that affect our lives more so than when we were children, there are the choices of getting a job, going back to school, having children we must think wisely on what we teach them as they grow.

So as you can see, there is a freedom of choice, but no freedom at all for every choice made has it's repercussions! We can only hope that the choices we make are the right ones, no choice has a guarantee that it's right or wrong, we must wait and see what the outcome will be.

Whether you know what will come in the future or not, you are not guaranteed what choice you made to get to that outcome!

I hope I have put this into words to which you might understand my meaning when I say Freedom does not exist! Life is but a two sided coin, and no matter what side that coin is on, there is always a right and a wrong! Where is the freedom?

I'll let you be the judge of that.
Unknown

I know you're watching!!

Here's a few things I've also learned a long the way in my life span through out my life with personal experience of course!

"What I've learned long ago, about the dark.
It's like being blind!
You don't, look.
You listen!"

"Generally, if you stop for a moment.
Pay attention to your surroundings,
And be sure, that there is nothing out of place,
If something is out of place,
You're either being watched,
Or, you just better walk fast out of there,
Without thinking about if you are or not!"

"Somethings, just aren't as they seem!"

"You better fear god, because hell, is over rated in this world!"

"Once someone breaks trust, it's almost impossible to gain it back again!"

"Even your own blood, will turn their backs on you."

"I'm not the only one being watched!!!"

Be well

I'm on a clock that ticks constantly now, and I wait for when it stops!

Unknown

A great find, not so new, but newly found for me.

I just found this video and I'd like to share such an interesting find! I hope you all find it as interesting as myself.

No updates right now, but I dislike leaving my blog idling and being stagnant. I'm still not feeling well at all. But the summer is making me feel a weee bit more content, and content as well as grateful to still be alive at this time.
Brightest of blessings to you all.

Symbols and personal meanings...part6.. FINAL PART!

Hello and here we are on to the final part of this image. I have decided to put the image in full view here on the last part, so that you can see them all together and see the sequence in with they follow to the next.

hope you enjoyed this post and have read the previous postings as you can bring them all together in order to see more